Yeah, I'm going on a sort of vacation from this thing I believe.  I've been kinda keeping away from it for a while...only coming back to check up to see if a few people feel like mentioning me and being supremely disappointed.  Such is life.  I could be writing about my trip to Ohio State...but its all weirdness that'll just lead to more entries and more questions and blah blah blah blah blah.  Everything begats something else nowadays.  Or I could be writing about my ::potential:: strep throat...yep, think I have it.  Organic Chemistry, Cell Biology, Cheese Sandwiches,  Bondage Dungeons, Playing Professor Doctor and Shrink, and just wanting DESPERATELY to get just the right phone call.  I could tell you that I've started writing again, but who cares?  I could tell you that I'm learning guitar half-decent now, but who will hear it?  I'll be back eventually...everyone knows how to reach me.  Hope its not weird calling me instead of logging on to find out whats new with me....And...I'll leave you with this...

"If I had a dollar bill for every time i was wrong, I'd be a self-made millionaire, and you'd still be gone. So hand me down my best dress shoes and my best dress shirt.  I'm going out in style to cover the huuuurt.  And all I wanna do all day is spend it in bed, but that's bad for the body and even worse for my head.  So I'll try and find a place where no one will ask me a thing, It'll help to forget and help me to sing.

Cause now, I'm drunk again...The means to my end...And I'm scared of myself.  Cause now, its all the same, the faces and names, and I'm scared of myself again.

Have you ever wanted to wake up from your dreaming, Scared you so bad you couldn't control your heart or your breathing.  Well walk out the door with on the floor, you don't care how I'm feeling, I guess a weak and tired and frightened man is no longer appealing...Some people have a gift of reaching into your soul, and finding the whole and making bigger. Baby sometimes I think I catch ya cracking cynical smiles and in a short while you'll be my heart's grave digger.  Well theres not much I can do, Cause I'm at the mercy of youuuuu.  So baby I guess we're through, OH, Cause now, i'm drunk again, the means to my end, and i'm scared of myself.  Cause now, its all the same...the faces and names...and I'm scared of myself again.  Cause now, its all the same...THE FACES AND NAMES...So go walk out the door, you don't believe me no more and I'm scared of myself again.

If I had a dollar bill for every time I've been wrong, I'd be a self made millionaire and I wouldn't be singing....

 if anyone needs Ben this weekend, Ben will be up at Ohio State having what he hopes is a really really good time...

just call.

Well Ben's got himself a week for the books he thinks.  Its the kinda week (mostly weekend) that you can chalk up as pretty awesome, but you don't know how much faith to put into any of the events that happened because they were probably mostly superficial, but with the life I lead now, who has time for depth?  And while that might seem depressing to some, let me just reiterate that this weekend has been pretty good. 

Hope is the most intangible of things right now.  Its like this floating force that comes at you in waves of clarity only to be lost again if you put the slightest bit of effort into grasping why you should be hopeful or what you should be hopeful for.  But do you really need hope when you like the way things are right now? Think about it....or don't.

My new camera got a test run and is filled with pictures and I have no idea how to move those pictures to anywhere where i can use them....you say technologically challenged, I say "traditional".

Ever run into someone you'd think would hate you, but they don't?  Ever think you'd hate them back, but you don't?  I've seen so many people the last couple days, met some new ones, met some old ones, its just been a rush of circumstance.  Standing on old bridges burned looking at new ones being made.  Knowing me, I'm probably already holding the can of gas that'll I'll use to burn the hell outta all those new bridges.  Who needs attachment?  Jump to making old mistakes.  Jump to being that guy again.  Jump to being happy in the moment like I am right now (or am occassionally when in the right company.)

"barely breathing" duncan shiek.

Last night was too eventful to even cram in what all happened onto this thing...just know it was a good time...the kind that is exactly what you need when this week never seems to quit. 

Why does everyone always use something else to say what they really want to say?  Some people use common phrases for whats really on there minds, like "I'll talk to you later" to mean "please please please call me soon" or "I had a pretty good time" to mean "yeah, never seeing you again" or how about "bye" to mean "stay with me just a little longer".  I'm usually the guy that just lets the silence speak for itself but I don't think I've been that guy lately...Man of Action...go figure. 

Not much to say about lately, except if ya wanna catch a glimpse of Ben at his highest spirits in a while, might wanna track me down now b/c right now is pretty damn good.

Currently Listening MTV Unplugged (Bonus DVD) By Dashboard Confessional see related

- Hands Down

First week and its already a chore to just be on campus.  Classes are weird...don't really know what to make of the semester yet, but so far so decent.  Psychology is gonna end up being my favorite class I think.  The first day, just the first day actually spoke TO me. Existentialism...making you own existence by assigning meaning to things...You have the say whether life is good or not...You have the responsibility.  Definitely molded alot of what's happened this week and some tonite even.  Organic will be my least favorite...just because I don't like getting plowed by a subject.

Tonight was a wow.  I had the responsibility of doing something that I've wanted for a long time and I did the best I could with it. For the night, I'm an existentialist.

Tomorrow's a long day capped with a lil R and R w/ the Sig-Eps.

Just Breathe.